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In An Incredibly Weird Development, Rob Lowe Tried To Break News Of Peyton Manning’s Retirement

When the Indianapolis Colts fired coach Jim Caldwell yesterday, one of the main questions people had was: what does the move mean for Peyton Manning’s future with the team? He and Caldwell were close, and some felt the exit of one might signal the other wasn’t far behind. Well, today, a prominent person tweeted that not only wouldn’t Manning return to the Colts, he wouldn’t come back to the NFL, period. This would be big news. What also made it very strange news was that person reporting it was…actor Rob Lowe:

Hearing my fave, #18 Peyton Manning will not return to #NFL. Wow. #Colts

@richeisen My people are saying Manning will retire today. What do you hear? #NFL (ed. note: This was Eisen’s response.)

#Colts fans, let’s hope my info is wrong. Don’t like being wrong, but this time… I’m hoping #NFL #Manning

Rob Lowe, of course, is not exactly what one would call a trusted source for NFL reporting, so his info, from his mysterious “people,” wasn’t treated with skepticism so much as a whole crapload of jokes, many having to do with the show on which Lowe currently appears, NBC’s Parks and Recreation. Because honestly, allow yourself to imagine Rob Lowe breaking a huge NFL story. Can you even fathom it? Would every reporter just quit?

Even if Lowe is somehow right on this (and Lowe does apparently have some friends in high places around the Colts organization), we have to think this would be one of those Carson Palmer-style “retirements,” where Manning just waits it out until another team acquires him. He’s too much of a competitor to let his career end at a relatively early age coming off a season he missed due to injury. Unless he is told in no uncertain terms his neck condition is too serious for him to play again, he’s too good for teams not to be interested.

But really, this is all getting beside the point. That point: Rob Lowe just tried to break NFL news. Think about that. Let that thought marinate in your mind, and tell us if it makes any more sense later. If this is legit at all, we’re just taking it as proof that the world goes completely insane when it goes without Wikipedia for a day. Well, that and watching this on a loop. And calling up Amy Poehler to see who the Dolphins’ next coach is.

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