Subway Made Robert Griffin III Out Of BBQ Chicken, And It Is Horrifying
As he embarks on his career as an NFL quarterback, Robert Griffin III, like so many top draft picks before him, will have a joint job as pitchman for various products. In Griffin’s case, one of those products will be Subway sandwiches. Griffin was in New York today to talk about the partnership – and like it has in the past, the $5 footlong purveyor commissioned a meat-based likeness of its newest public face.
If this sounds like a creepy idea, that’s because it is. For example, here are pepperoni busts of Ndamukong Suh and C.J. Spiller from a couple years back. But this new one of Griffin – composed mainly of “Smokehouse BBQ Chicken” and standing about three feet high, takes the creepiness to another level. Have a closeup look for yourself:
Hey, for being made out of chicken, it’s about as well as one could do. The problem, of course, it’s that it’s a bust of a human made out of chicken (and bread, and peppers, and a few other fixings too, from the looks of it). It can’t help but be nightmare fuel. If I’m ever famous enough to have a BBQ chicken statue of myself made (and please, please let that day arrive at some glorious far-off point), I’m not sure I’d even be able to look at it. Well, if Subway were paying me a ton of money, then maybe I could.
But that’s all hypothetical. Griffin really does have a BBQ chicken statue. How’d he handle it? Well, as it so happens, Griffin appeared on Fox News’ Fox & Friends to promote his deal with Subway – and unveil the bust. See the big moment below:
If Griffin was as unsettled as he had every right to be, he did a good job hiding it. And hey, maybe he’s genuinely grateful for becoming a big enough deal in the world that popular sandwich joints are going around building statues in his likeness out of their own product (or he just thinks it’s funny). Truly, a perk of stardom. Unfortunately, this particular perk of stardom is probably going to haunt my dreams for a while. It makes me uncomfortable. And you know what that means: time for me to pose as an NFL scout and anonymously leak that the chicken statue has character issues.