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The Best And Worst Commercials Of Super Bowl XLVII

  • Dan Spritz

“I just watch for the commercials.”

That’s not something we’d say here at SportsGrid (except right now!), but we do agree that the commercials are indeed a nice complement to the Super Bowl sorry, Big Game. I kept track of the night’s best, as well as the ones that terribly missed the mark. Below are all of the commercials that separated themselves from the pack, good or bad. The only commercials that I didn’t evaluate were the movie trailers, because they are structured for a different purpose. Also, I lose all sense of reason when discussing The Fast and the Furious movies.

Good

Hyundai – Pick Your Team

This commercial is just adorable. What’s better than giving a bully his comeuppance? What’s better than kids doing ultra-manly things? It doesn’t linger on any joke, throwing a bunch of ridiculous visuals out there before knocking the bully over. It’s uplifting, funny, and has a child welder. Seriously, what more could you ask for?

Oreo – Whisper Fight
Ah yes, just another Oreo library riot. Along with a perfect helping of over-the-top fake violence, this commercial reaches the absurd by forcing everyone to whisper. It doesn’t take itself seriously, but makes its point crystal clear: “people have strong opinions about their Oreos.” I didn’t realize there was any sort of conflict; I always assumed the cream was the best part. Is that not the consensus?

TheRock – Got Milk
The milk lobby is powerful. Dwayne Johnson needs milk, so Big Milk creates a Dwayne Johnson movie around him to illustrate his proficiency with simple chores. There is inexplicable chaos in every direction, and he never even slows down. I have no idea why this commercial happened, but it is delightful.

Volkswagen – Get Happy
This commercial has been hampered by racism claims, but the people of Jamaica said they’re fine with it, which is good enough for me. It’s a fun accent to begin with, and I don’t think it matters who is delivering the lines. Dealing with mundane office issues in that voice is just fantastic. I could listen to that for hours. Give me all the outtakes. Respect, bossman!

TacoBell – We Are Young
Ha! Old people think they’re young people? In some cases, that idea fizzles. Here, the commercial commits so hard that it can’t help but work. Even more, playing “We Are Young” in Spanish is a perfect allusion to what’s going on. It’s familiar, but isn’t too on-the-nose about the commercial’s subject matter.

Axe – Astronaut
This commercial is enjoyable enough because it feels the need to disclaim “fictionalization” at the bottom of the screen not just when the lifeguard punches a shark, but for almost the whole commercial. Then, it flips all expectation when it turns out that the girl wants an ultra-nerdy astronaut, not the attractive lifeguard.  After all, “nothing beats an astronaut.” I did not see that coming. Just perfect.

Bad

Budweiser Black Crown – Celebration

None of the Budweiser Black Crown commercials were any good. Showing vaguely hip people who would never drink Black Crown drinking Black Crown is not remotely interesting, especially when it’s not clear what differentiates it from any other mass-produced beer. This one is the worst, though, because it sets everything to the clearly recognizable 2 Broke Girls theme song. Why confuse the issue, especially when you’re on CBS? Why associate yourself with another terrible product?

Coke – Chase
The central idea of this commercial – that everyone wants a Coke – is perfectly reasonable. What is not reasonable is everything else. Why, in the middle of the desert, did so many disparate factions coming from so many different locations converge so that they could make the final push together? Why are they wearing such stereotypical, ill-suited costumes? Why are they driving a bus in the sand? Why are they attacking each other in such a cartoonish manner? What is so important about this Coke? Despite all of those questions, it turns out this commercial is just a choose-your-adventure setup, and we need to vote. That is not acceptable.

Beck’s Sapphire

I sincerely hope no one saw this commercial after doing drugs, because what the f***? Like the coke, what’s special about this beverage? Why is there a black fish? Why is it swimming through the air? Why is it singing No Diggity? What is going on? Who is this commercial targeting? Am I in this target market? What was I supposed to take from this commercial? Is this the product of a fever dream?

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