As an average, sports-loving American, I am outraged.

Last night, a couple of hockey fans decided to use their breasts as distractions once again (though only one of them seemed really dedicated to the cause). Except play had been stopped, and they were just jiggling themselves at a couple of refs and a dude fixing a dislodged glass pane. So the only people who really stopped to take a second look? The Internet.

For those of you who don’t follow the NHL, the Boston Bruins are currently playing the Toronto Maple Leafs in the first round of the playoffs (Boston is up 2-1 after winning last night, by the way). So in a not-too-clever take on the recent “Boston Strong” rallying cry, this Toronto fan mocked up (or bought?) this sign and ostensibly brought it to the arena.

The Sens and Habs combined for 236 penalty minutes last night. Video and more, after the jump.

To the chagrin of hockey fans everywhere, their sport has been marginalized over the past few years. It simply isn’t as popular as the other major sports, for a variety of reasons (it’s like soccer on ice? It constantly breaks down into a boxing match? Canadians are good at it?). Things change around playoff time, because NHL playoff hockey is insanely intense for both the competitors and viewers. Unless you’re this dude, sleeping behind the Rangers bench at the end of Game 1 last night.

A few days ago, the Internet laughed heartily at CSN Chicago reporter Susannah Collins when she screwed up and said the word “sex” instead of “success” on air. We chose not to post it at the time, because it seemed like a pretty harmless mistake that wasn’t worth riding her about, so to speak. CSN felt differently.

This is from CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada. Opening montages for sports are often awful; this is not. This is incredible. If you watch this and don’t score a one-punch knockout on your friend sitting beside you (out of excitement, not anger, so it’s OK), then your body in incapable of producing adrenaline and you should see a doctor immediately. We promise, you will not be forced to cede your United States passport if you watch the NHL playoffs.

It was a valiant effort, though. We guess.

The city of Buffalo is best known for… um… well… the city of Buffalo is known. They do have chicken wings, and hockey, and not much else. That’s why we feel for teams like the Bills and Sabres — they are beacons of light in an otherwise uninspiring city. So when the Sabres go 21-21 in a shortened NHL season, miss the playoffs (again) and then raise ticket prices on fans, things are going to be a little uneasy.

Why can’t you be funny like this, ESPN? (Aside from commercials, of course.)