Yesterday we learned that Houston Astros pitcher Erik Bedard had a strained gluteal muscle. The folks over at Big League Stew cut through the crap, however, and called it like they saw it: a strained butt. Not so glamorous now, we don’t think.
But then there’s this: Milwaukee Brewers’ GM Doug Melvin had to be hospitalized for a scorpion sting last night, and that’s some serious injury swag right there.
“‘While at his condo, Melvin reportedly reached down to pick up what he thought was a harmless bug with a Kleenex. What he really got was a handful of scorpion, which the bug apparently didn’t appreciate. The scorpion reportedly bit Melvin on the middle finger of his left hand, and the GM soon began to feel numbness going up his arm. Melvin thus decided to do what most American citizens would do at that point: Google scorpion stings. Following his Internet research, Melvin decided to go to the hospital.
It stung me right through the Kleenex,’ Melvin reportedly said. ‘My arm started swelling and then the numbness started going up my arm, like when you hit your funny bone. I was wondering if it might go all the way up my arm and go to my heart. I got nervous when it got up to my shoulder, so I went to the emergency room.
‘They gave me [pain medication] and just watched me for a couple of hours. They said your vision can go blurry from that. It was more an education on it but my arm is still numb. First off, they tell you it’s not fatal. But you can have an allergic reaction to it and need an anti-venom injection.'”
New Google query: what is Ryan Braun’s trade value? Answer: lots of maybe-possibly wonderful prospects and a boatload of non-free agent spending. But at least he wins the badass injury award, so there’s that.