Note: This post was originally written for Memorial Day. Today is Labor Day. We are reposting it today because we are stupid Americans who don’t know the difference between these two government-induced holidays.
Memorial Labor Day. As you know, you must do two things:
Remember the men and women who died while serving our country in the Armed Forces. Not go to work.
2) Grill and drink adult beverages, if you are of age (or if you’re in middle school but COOL AS FUH).
The NBA playoffs are also among us. There are four teams left. Each of these teams has players that you know, because the NBA is League of Players with Visible Faces That Isn’t Baseball. You know the players on the Miami Heat, because they are evil and you hate them.
In honor of to-do No. 2 on
Memorial Labor Day, we will be comparing these mean, talented men to a common food or beer or wine or rubbing alcohol that you may consume on this day of remembrance (or forgetfulness, if you go overboard on the TGI Friday’s Hand Sanitizer Martini).
LeBron photo via