The Ten Best Tim Duncan Headlines By The Onion

  • Rick Chandler

The Onion definitely had it’s go-to subjects, as most great comedy outlets do. One of the best was Tim Duncan, the Spurs’ power forward who retired today. Tutored as a young player by The Admiral, David Robinson, Duncan became one of the greatest big men in league history — all the while projecting an even-tempered, squeaky-clean, guy-next-door image … if the guy next door was 6-foot-11 and had a career average of 19.0 ppg.

The Onion seized on this big time — there were no fewer than 42 Duncan-centric headlines there over the years.

Tim Duncan Begins Summer Job At Apple Genius Bar, from May 8, 2009, is a good example — it’s ridiculous, yet close enough to Duncan’s personality to be funny. Then there was Tim Duncan Announces Shoe Deal With Florsheim, which was a precursor to the big Steph Curry dad shoes hoopla this season. And Tim Duncan’s Sincere Apology Confuses Referee Enough To Get Him Ejected From Game still remains a classic.

In honor of Duncan’s legendary 19-year NBA career, here are 10 of our favorites: