Each week we’ll bring you the AP’s college basketball rankings along with serious, measured, professional analysis. Let’s get to Week 5!
1. Arizona (63)
The Wildcats beat Texas Tech and UNLV last week. They barely beat UNLV in their annual whiteout game, which came after losing their last two whiteout games. Perhaps randomly choosing a crowd trend doesn’t result in a greater home court advantage.
2. Syracuse (2)
The Orange beat Indiana and Binghamton last week, with the former victory coming in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge. The Hoosiers won the history portion of the Challenge though, correctly identifying Vidkun Quisling as the leader of WWII Norway.
3. Ohio State
The Buckeyes beat Maryland and Central Connecticut State last week. The victory over the Terrapins came in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge, with the Buckeyes also winning the Geography portion of the Challenge by identifying Thimphu as the capital of Bhutan.
The Badgers beat Virginia and Marquette last week. The former victory came in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge, although the Cavaliers won the Costume Design portion of the Challenge with an excellent depiction of Krampus.
5. Michigan State
The Spartans lost to North Carolina last week in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge. That is, of course, the cost of going to the Rose Bowl.
The Cardinals beat Missouri – Kansas City and Louisiana – Lafayette last week. If you’re a satellite campus, they’ll play you.
7. Oklahoma State
The Cowboys beat South Carolina and former conference foe Frank Martin last week in the Big 12/SEC Challenge. Showing characteristic calm, Martin shrugged off the loss and ate a fudge ripple ice cream cone while addressing the media.
The Blue Devils beat Michigan last week in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge. The Wolverines, however, won the Endurance portion of the Challenge, collectively watching 17 hours of Kardashian programming.
The Huskies beat Florida and Maine last week. The victory over the Gators came on a buzzer beater that was just unacceptably sloppy.
The Wildcats beat Penn and St. Joes in Big 5 play last week. More importantly, they are now the country’s #2 Wildcats.
The Wildcats lost to Baylor in the Big 12/SEC Challenge. The game was played in AT&T Stadium, because Coach Cal once recruited Jerry Jones’ ego to play the 3.
12. Wichita State
The Shockers beat Oral Roberts last week. What a stupid sentence.
The Jayhawks lost to former conference foe Colorado in spectacular fashion last week. Were the Big 12 able to number as well as the Pac-12, Colorado might never have left and this loss might never have happened.
The Bears beat Kentucky last week. They have no games this week as a reward for the school’s Fiesta Bowl berth.
The Ducks beat Ole Miss (115-105!) last week. The Ducks will play Illinois this week, because they only play flagship state universities. When they join forces with Louisville, no public school will be safe.
The Tigers beat Northwestern State last week. It was really the University of Washington, but the Huskies don’t want that to get out.
17. Iowa State
The Cyclones beat Auburn and Northern Iowa last week. The former victory came in the Big 12/SEC Challenge and was paired with a victory in the Spelling portion of the Challenge. They correctly spelled onomatopoeia.
18. North Carolina
The Tar Heels beat Michigan State and UNC-Greensboro last week. After a reporter mentioned to Roy Williams that his team’s play has been schizophrenic so far, an exasperated Williams took the time to explain the differences between schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder.
The Gators lost to Connecticut last week on that stupid buzzer beater. On the bright side, their week wasn’t all bad.
The Bulldogs beat New Mexico State last week. Let’s just keep them in this spot forever, instead of acting surprised whenever they defy expectations they’ve built.
The Buffaloes beat Colorado State and Kansas last week. This makes them the second consecutive team to launch themselves into the rankings with a win over Kansas, because Bill Self is vain and incredibly powerful.
The Minutemen beat Eastern Michigan and BYU last week. To be fair, the Cougars may have been distracted.
The Hawkeyes beat Notre Dame and Drake last week. As Selection Sunday approaches, the Drake win might be turn out to be very important.
The Tigers beat West Virginia and UCLA last week. Per Bill Self, Mizzou’s entrance into the rankings is a cosmic counterweight to the Tigers’ loss in the SEC Championship.
25. San Diego State
The Aztecs beat San Diego and Washington last week. They have no games this week because that’s totally acceptable in San Diego.
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