It’s that time of year … when every blogger everywhere feels compelled to hold a bracket tournament on subjects other than basketball. You know: like a tournament to declare a champion of all food (Tacos vs. Lasagna in round 1), or action movies (“Die Hard” vs. “Terminator 2” in the quarterfinals of the Chuck Norris Division).
Well, it was fun while it lasted: it’s 2014, and all the subjects have been used. We were going to do one, but there isn’t a single topic that hasn’t been bracketed, and a tournament champion declared. We even saw a “Traitors” tournament, in which Edward Snowden beat Benedict Arnold in the finals.
But then, an epiphany. Why not bracket all the brackets? Yes, it’s a tournament pitting all of the best bracket tournaments against each other. We’ll post the results on Wednesday and Thursday, declare a winner, and then hopefully that will be the end of bracketing things, for all time.
Seriously, no more bracketing after this. It’s stale and hackneyed. Stop it.
1. High School Girls. Shaker High in Albany, N.Y. Stupid and cruel … but isn’t this how Facebook got invented?
16. Curse Words. Deadspin. “Asshat” continues to get absolutely no respect.
8. Drugs. Vs. Alcohol. Jezebel.
9. Beer. A Beer In Hand.
4. Actual NCAA Basketball Tournament Bracket. NCAA. Bo-ring.
13. The Sexiest Woman Alive. Esquire. Wait, alive? Damn.
5. NCAA Mascots. SB Nation.
12. Bracket of Life. Crooks & Liars.
2. Superpowers. Blockbuster. If “Time Travel” doesn’t win, I’m going back in time to make sure it does.
15. Biggest Douchebags. Somehow Jerry Jones didn’t even make it to the region finals.
7. Saved By The Bell. The Desonesto Doctrine.
3. Muppets. MuppetFans.com.
14. Name of the Year. Name of the Year.
6. Best Sitcom Episode Ever. SplitSider. All kinds of problems with this one, but they’ve got “Fawlty Towers” in there, so we give it a pass.
11. Metal Band Beards. MetalSucks.net.