One of the single most obnoxious things IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, is the overtly festive, preppy clothing worn by men at college football games around the United States. It’s as if they’re trying to balance out the machismo of the sport by dressing like some sort of flamboyant nautical gynecologist. Why? Seriously though. Why do adult males dress like Cory Feldman’s coked out agent for a football game? Is it to get girls? Do girls even like this kind of stuff? We may never know why (because why would you ever talk to one of these people), but we do know they exist in droves. Like these guys:
Call it whatever you want. Preppy. Fratty. Ridiculous. Over dramatic. Pathetic. Obnoxious. Lame. Ugly. Unoriginal. Poop-poop. Pastel. Ubiquitous.
Just don’t call it cool. Because it’s not.
One thing we do know it is, is popular. Enter Dockers: Entry level khakis for the 12-year-old who has to go to his grandfather’s funeral. Seeing an opportunity to profit off of young guys who desperately want their father’s approval so they dress like he did in the 1980’s, Dockers unveiled a line of colorful Game Day Khakis — for the fan who thinks tailgating and job interviews deserve the same pants. So far there are ten schools to choose from: Kentucky, Minnesota, Illinois, Michigan, Missouri, Georgia, Texas A&M, LSU, Oregon State, and of course, what list of relevant NCAA football programs would be complete with out Washington State, as well.
But wait, there’s more. For the now reduced price of $55, you can get your khakis complete with some version of your school’s rah-rah-sis-boom-bah inscription on the inside waistline. (Note: Texas A&M’s does not say “This is the school that Johnny Manziel goes to.”) Our favorite? Georgia’s “Go Dawgs,” because nothing beats having the word “Dawgs” on your khakis. Nothing. Here are the others…