Levi’s Stadium, new home of the San Francisco 49ers, is almost open for business, and you’ll be able to enjoy its cozy confines beginning in August. But there are rules, dammit! The land that the stadium sits on is being leased from the City of Santa Clara, which on Tuesday rolled out a humongous list of rules for the new place.
For one thing, no tailgating, unless your idea of tailgating is sitting in your car with your hands folded. Also, no birds or fish. And NO REPTILES. Which means I just may as well stay home, because it’s nearly impossible to find a sitter for my tortoise. And I know what you’re saying right now: “Can I bring my bugle?” Sorry, no.
Here are other assorted rules, excerpted from this list:
* No person shall throw, discharge, launch or spill any solid or liquid object including footballs, baseballs, Frisbees and other such items in a manner that disturbs public order or causes a threat to public safety.
* No person shall participate in any activity, including, but not limited to vehicle driver training, volleyball, baseball, soccer, football, roller skating, bicycle riding, or skateboarding within the parking areas unless expressly authorized by the Authorized Representative.
* No person shall lead, conduct or otherwise bring or allow to remain in the parking areas any animal, bird, fish or reptile except service dogs certified by the state of California and which are in actual use.
* No person shall urinate or defecate except in a designated lavatory facility.
* No knives, impact weapons, chemical agents, or electronic control devices (Tasers, stun guns).
* No drums, or other musical instruments. (We assume this includes vuvuzelas).
* Radios, etc. must be at a reasonable volume: nothing can be heard from more than 50 feet away.
Fines: First offense $100, or up to 6 months in jail, or up to $1,000 for subsequent offenses.
The opener of course will be a soccer game, on Aug. 2.