On the same day that many outlets, including us, noted that Michael Sam could lose his Rams’ roster spot to undrafted rookie defensive end Ethan Westbrooks, ESPN decided to go with the “When does Sam shower?” angle. For the last few days, ESPN’s ridiculous “reporting” has taken center stage, and perhaps many have forgotten that Sam could be off the team entirely by next week.
This wouldn’t be Sam’s fault — he’s played well for the Rams through three preseason games, and leads the team with three sacks. He just happened to be drafted by a team that is stacked at defensive end, and is going up against Westbrooks, who has played “out of his mind” for the final DE spot. It’s why some thought Sam might have been better off going undrafted altogether.
But joining the Rams has given Sam a platform to showcase his skills, and he’s proven he belongs here. So if Sam doesn’t make the cut in St. Louis, who might pick him up?
Sam would be best off in a 4-3 defensive scheme like the one the Rams deploy. That’s about half the league. So here’s a power ranking of teams that use a 4-3 defense that could also use a playmaker like Sam — assuming they can handle “the distraction” (also known as ESPN):
1. Dallas Cowboys
Here’s why the Cowboys are number one: Their defense is fucking terrible. Are you a man between the ages of 20 and 35 who is willing to live in Dallas? Then you might be eligible to play defense for the Cowboys. With DeMarcus Ware gone, Dallas has huge shoes to fill, and two of their next best options — DeMarcus Lawrence and George Selvie — are injured.
2. New York Giants
The Giants use a 4-3, are thin along the defensive line and in the linebacker corps, and are known as one of the “classiest” organizations in the league, if that’s even a thing. Plus, there are few better defensive linemen to learn from than Jason Pierre-Paul and Mathias Kiwanuka.
3. San Diego Chargers
Playing for San Diego is the best way to be in the NFL without feeling like you’re in the national media’s crosshairs — because, like, who really pays attention to the Chargers? You know who’s on the Chargers? Manti Te’o. Have you even thought about him once since he got drafted? Exactly. Great place to disappear in plain sight. Rotational defensive ends too.
4. Chicago Bears
Their defense was pretty terrible last year, and even though Jared Allen should help upgrade the line, they team needs some youth. A solid front seven is the most Bears thing the Bears can have. Bears.
5. New England Patriots
THE PATRIOT WAY.
32. Cleveland Browns
I don’t think the Browns need DE help. But if Michael Sam and Johnny Manziel are on the same team, Cleveland might as well sign Tim Tebow and complete the ESPN circus trifecta of bullshit.