Lisa Ann Retires From Porn To Pursue Undefeated Fantasy Football Season

  • Jake O'Donnell

Well, unless you’re a standout 19-year-old wide receiver or an NHL player with a shred of humility, you’ll never see Lisa Ann having sex again. We’ll give you a second.

Here was her statement, which she wrote out by hand because she’s old-fashioned like that.

In my new life, I dream of having an undefeated season in fantasy football while pursuing my career in fantasy sports. You can hear me every Monday night on SirusXM Fantasy Sports Radio 210 XM/87 at 10 p.m. EST. I plan to work towards a bigger role with the Sirius family.

We’ve compiled the entire letter, below, which you can read and re-read and re-re-read and then cry about and then read again. You can listen to Lisa Ann on SirusXM Fantasy Sports Radio 210 XM/87 at 10 p.m. EST.

Jake O'Donnell

Jake was hatched from a large egg in 1999, fully formed. His hobbies include sports, writing, and accumulating hobbies. He considers his body is a temple. A very oddly shaped temple. (@_jakeodonnell)