Five minutes before kickoff.
You’re at your favorite sports bar.
Ten huge flat screens resembling a tic-tac-toe board are perfectly placed on a wall no more than 20 feet away.
You’re already two beers in. They don’t call it kegs-n-eggs for nothing.
And despite what can only be described as optimum conditions, your brain is already fried.
Because directly in front of you, next to a leftover sausage and a just-filled 3rd beer is a sheet a paper. It’s not a check, not a cheap menu. Rather, it is your game plan for the day, complete with six fantasy rosters, one survivor pool pick and office pool picks for the entire slate.
Six rosters a bit much? Well, not really. Many of us play two fantasy leagues. A growing number of us have girlfriends or wives that now play fantasy football (with rosters you may or may not have drafted for them). So there’s three… with the other three rosters consisting of your respective opponents…
But there’s a big problem. In Week 3’s case, my 0-2 fantasy team (which happened to play the league’s high scorer in weeks 1 and 2), is starting the underwhelming Cam Newton at quarterback. My backup is Josh Freeman, who isn’t even tempting. But that’s not the issue: Instead, I’m also playing against Newton in my other league, where I’m 1-1 but playing a fierce rival who I can’t simply cannot lose to. Every league has a trash talker, a Jim Rome-type you want to go all Chris Everett on. That’s the guy lining up across my screen this week.
Things get even hairier when considering that my wife (who has Eli at QB) is a huge Giants fan to boot. So now I’m forced to root for, against, and for Big Blue all in one game. It’s enough to make your hair hurt.
As for my favorite team, it’s the Bears. They play the Steelers this week, which also happens to be my defense in league #2. I also have Matt Forte (in league 1) and Brandon Marshall (in league 2). This is what some in the business call “a wash.”
And speaking of defenses, there’s my survivor pool. I, like 98.6 percent of the country, will be using the Seahawks this week, who are favored by 20 points (too low in my opinion) to beat up on the hapless (one touchdown in two games against the Chiefs and Raiders) Jaguars. But…I’m also facing the Seattle defense in league 1, forcing me to wish really, really hard that Chad Henne and a disgruntled Maurice Jones Drew can do what the high-powered 49ers offense could not: Move the ball and not turn the ball over, but don’t score too much and blow up every survivor pool in the country. It’s definitely Excedrin time…
Overall, it promises to be a confusing week.
Having no idea what to root for, whether it be fantasy related, the team you’ve loved since before you could drive (a bicycle) or just trying to win and advance in a survivor pool, one thing is for certain:
The days of simply watching one game and hoping for one simple result are long, long gone.
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