Mock drafts are almost always very wrong, but they’re an important part of the NFL offseason (which, in case you missed it, began Sunday night). It’s fun to speculate who’ll pick out of positional necessity, who will simply snag the best player available, and the million dollar question — who’s getting Johnny Manziel because they think he’s cool and just want to hang out with him. This year’s draft ends up being very QB heavy at the top, with a sharp drop off in options after the fourth passer comes off the board.
From there, things become markedly less certain. In fact, CBS Sports’ in-house mock-drafteers, Rob Rang and Dane Brugler (yes, those are their real names), had only four consensus position picks after the last top quarterback came off the board at the eight spot. Hey, but what do they know — they both have the Texans picking someone other than Manziel. What does anyone know, for that matter?
Nothing, but fuck it — here are a few givens:
• A running back will not be drafted in the first round
• The Seahawks will draft an offensive lineman
• The Vikings will have a tough decision to make with the 8th pick (assuming the QBs don’t make it that long)
• The Cowboys will attempt to enlist a defensive football player to stop other teams from compulsively scoring touchdowns on them
• Jadeveon Clowney isn’t making it past the Cleveland Browns (sorry Giants fans)
• The Giants will, however, draft an offensive lineman to protect Eli from certain death
• Texas A&M will have more than a few guys selected in the first round
With that said, here are our picks for, um, the picks. Once again, they’re a mixture of internet wisdom (thank you SB Nation, Bleacher Reports, and CBS Sports), and undeniable future-truths, which we are privy to because of an ancient gypsy curse that allows us to partial clairvoyance.