We were astounded last week when we found out that Rob Gronkowski doesn’t really like beer. Take away beer and the ultimate bro became a mere mortal. Thus, before allowing him to be on the cover of GQ Magazine, the editors at GQ forced Gronk into passing the Ultimate Bro Test. He was forced into numerous bro challenges (including a Bro Wonderlic Test) and needed to excel at each one before landing the cover. Below is the video of Gronk’s pursuit of Bro Perfection.
There is just so much in that video that we have to talk about. First, Bobby Goons!
Goons is Gronkowski’s head of security. Can there possibly be a better name for a head of security than Bobby Goons? The lead protector of Gronk is literally named Goons. In the video, he is seen failing at funneling a beer. Despite the heroic name, Goons may not have much time left working for Gronkowski if he can’t properly funnel a beer. Also, does Gronk really need a head of security? There are about 38 Gronk brothers that can handle the business. Goons seems like a waste of money.
And what about Gronk’s tight pink shirt? It’s about 13 sizes too small and bright pink, so really only a true bro can pull it off. We honestly aren’t so sure that Gronk pulls passes the “bro wearing pink” test. Good thing GQ didn’t judge him on that.
Our final takeaway is the massive crowd watching Gronk do his dances. The video was most likely filmed at a Vegas club and everybody just stopped to watch Gronk perform dances to EDM, Hip-Hop, Heavy Metal and Classical musical. Gronkowski plays to the crowd perfectly throughout, which is why he is beloved in that Vegas community.
It’s also why he’s beloved by all of us too.