You’ve been made to think vans are creepy. You know the stereotype: they’re used by seedy people to lure you into a trap. Chances are, you wouldn’t get in one. And if someone offered to give you a tour of their van – well, see the second sentence. You probably wouldn’t go for it.
Unless the person offering you a tour of their van is Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Ryan, of course, is Rex Ryan’s twin brother – in fact, with his goatee/long hair combination, Rob looks a little like a biker gang version of Rex. And you expect the Ryans to march to their own beat and do things others might not (i.e. use vans as a primary mode of transportation), so rather than being unsettling, Rob Ryan giving you a tour of his van just makes sense. And for the Cowboys’ official site, that’s exactly what he did:
UPDATE: Sadly, we had to take the video down. However, you can still see it here, so Rob’s van still awaits.
He’s got a clear fondness for that van, does Rob, even if, judging by the fact that it’s a 1999 model and barely has 100,000 miles on it, he doesn’t drive it that much. He drives it enough – after all, it gets him where he needs to go. And it does it in style, as Rob explains in assuring viewers that “it’s a very plush vehicle.” (For the record, “It’s a very plush vehicle” ranks among the best phrases I’ve heard today. “Dude up the Zuck” still takes top honors, however.)
In short, exactly the kind of vehicle you’d hope Rob Ryan would own – unassuming. Different. Hilarious. He’s happy to leave the “fleet of Mercedes” to his wife, and so are we. Rob, you gotta do you, even when “you” is an old Ford van with “a few stains” (as well as empty Gatorades and Pringles cans) in it. Let’s hope it remains durable for years to come. Bummer about those non-working VCR TVs, though.
[h/t Drew Magary]