As he embarks on his career as an NFL quarterback, Robert Griffin III, like so many top draft picks before him, will have a joint job as pitchman for various products. In Griffin’s case, one of those products will be Subway sandwiches. Griffin was in New York today to talk about the partnership – and like it has in the past, the $5 footlong purveyor commissioned a meat-based likeness of its newest public face.
If this sounds like a creepy idea, that’s because it is. For example, here are pepperoni busts of Ndamukong Suh and C.J. Spiller from a couple years back. But this new one of Griffin – composed mainly of “Smokehouse BBQ Chicken” and standing about three feet high, takes the creepiness to another level. Have a closeup look for yourself:
Hey, for being made out of chicken, it’s about as well as one could do. The problem, of course, it’s that it’s a bust of a human made out of chicken (and bread, and peppers, and a few other fixings too, from the looks of it). It can’t help but be nightmare fuel. If I’m ever famous enough to have a BBQ chicken statue of myself made (and please, please let that day arrive at some glorious far-off point), I’m not sure I’d even be able to look at it. Well, if Subway were paying me a ton of money, then maybe I could.
But that’s all hypothetical. Griffin really does have a BBQ chicken statue. How’d he handle it? Well, as it so happens, Griffin appeared on Fox News’ Fox & Friends to promote his deal with Subway – and unveil the bust. See the big moment below:
If Griffin was as unsettled as he had every right to be, he did a good job hiding it. And hey, maybe he’s genuinely grateful for becoming a big enough deal in the world that popular sandwich joints are going around building statues in his likeness out of their own product (or he just thinks it’s funny). Truly, a perk of stardom. Unfortunately, this particular perk of stardom is probably going to haunt my dreams for a while. It makes me uncomfortable. And you know what that means: time for me to pose as an NFL scout and anonymously leak that the chicken statue has character issues.