(OK, fine, this is from The Onion, and it’s completely false. But it’s hilarious, and not nearly as farfetched as it would have been a year ago.)
Report: Several NFL Teams Interested In Tim Tebow As Grounds Crew Worker
Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee yet, but when I read this, my mind didn’t immediately call bullshit. For a second, I was like, well, nobody is signing him, and wouldn’t he be a damn good grounds crew worker? They always say you’ve just gotta get your foot in the door. This could be some movie-theater shit; Tebow goes from Heisman to bust, to grounds crew to SUPER BOWL CHAMP.
NEW YORK—Sources confirmed Monday that at least six NFL franchises have expressed serious interest in quarterback Tim Tebow as a grounds crew worker, claiming that the former Florida Gators star would be a perfect fit for their field maintenance team.
Wouldn’t he be?
“From a purely physical standpoint, Tebow has the size, strength, and agility for turf management, snow removal, or lifting 50 pounds of mulch,” said Kansas City Chiefs general manager John Dorsey, who expressed concerns about whether Tebow possessed the mental makeup to handle the stresses of mowing at a professional level. “Tim certainly has the skills to unload equipment, water grass, and organize and clean the storage areas, but he’s a little sloppy. We would be willing to take a chance on him for the league minimum, of course. However, if he wants insurance, he needs to put in 40 hours a week.” Tebow has reportedly stated that he wants to paint the lines on the field, but all the interested NFL teams agreed that the 26-year-old was not yet ready for such a challenging task.
Too funny. And I will now head to the comment section, where some people will undoubtedly take this seriously and call me names.