If you know me, then you know that I never make a move at a Vegas sports book without first consulting a psychic animal. Thus it shall be an a couple of hours, as I wager Floyd Mayweather-level action on the Super Bowl. But … which team to pick? Denver is favored by 2 1/2 points at this writing, which are hardly comforting odds one way or anther.
So the obvious play here is to go with the animal prognosticator that has the best track record in this game. Let’s meet our critters:
Eli the Ape. Six straight winning Super Bowl predictions. Has chosen: Seahawks.
Buffett the Manatee. Six straight winning Super Bowl predictions. Has chosen: Broncos.
Yikes. Do I go with land or sea? Surf or turf? Hairy jungle primate or bulbous aquatic herbivore? It’s a dilemma.
Let’s go to the background check.
Eli, who lives at the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City, makes these forecasts by running into a papier mâché helmet emblazoned with the insignia of one of the two teams.
Erica Hansen, one of the zoo employees, told Yahoo that this year Eli made his pick “without any hesitation.” It’s not clear how Eli’s powers as a sports oracle were first brought to the attention of the zoo, but the primate has been making the right calls since 2007.
It should be noted that after making his prediction, Eli and family smashed and ate both helmets.
Buffett the Manatee has predicted the correct Super Bowl winner six years in a row. A resident of the Mote Marine Laboratory in Sarasota, FL, who has never been in the wild, Buffett made his pick by swimming to one of two placards placed in his tank.
It should be noted that Buffet made his pick with fellow marine mammal/NFL tout Hugh, who is also a manatee. Hugh, on a modest two-game Super Bowl winning streak of his own, chose Seattle.
If you need me, I’ll be floating in the pool eating a banana as I mull this.
READ: Call Of The Wild: Your Psychic Animal Super Bowl Prediction Roundup [SportsGrid]