You there. Yes, you.
Come hither. Put down that “fantasy football” mobile device you have there in your hand, you slack-jawed yokel, and come forth to listen. Approach, I say, and wipe the spittle from your chin. For a ball control quarterback wants to tell you you’re dumb on TV.
ESPN’s Trent Dilfer somehow took the ugly incident in Kansas City, in which a few idiot fans cheered when underperforming quarterback Matt Cassel suffered a nasty-looking head injury, and used that as an opportunity to hop on his high horse, then feed that high horse and tickle its underbelly until it took a big spicy dump on everyone who watches pro football.
From this morning’s Mike and Mike:
To recap: you think everything should be The Greatest Show on Turf, you are entitled, you play too much fantasy, and you think this all one big fucking fireworks display.
Why is Trent Dilfer, a guy who I enjoy watching talk about football on those bleary-eyed Sunday nights — nay, a man who feels like a friend, who helped me through many a hangover with his amiable monologues about zone running schemes and two tight end sets, his wise words like a flashlight guiding me through the anxiety-panged darkness of late weekend alcohol withdrawal — why did he just call me dumb? It’s like a very nice neighbor with whom you’ve had a friendly relationship all of a sudden telling you you’re a fucking idiot. I thought we were friends, and I’m more confused than angry.
Who told Trent Dilfer to be mean? I will find him and have a word with him, right after I close my fantasy app, take off my adult bib, and turn off my constantly-looping highlight reel of the 1999 Rams.