The Pies Have It: British Goalie Sacked For Eating Meat Pastry During Game

  • Rick Chandler

You may not have heard of Sutton United — they play in England’s National League, which is the fifth tier of British soccer. But it’s time you got to know Wayne Shaw, whom they call the Roly Poly Goalie, as seen below. Call him England’s Jared Lorenzen, I guess.

Shaw unfortunately was forced to resign as Sutton United’s goalie today, for the most England of reasons — eating a meat pie during a match.

He wasn’t eating while actually on the field, although that would have been epic. He was out of the game and his team down 2-0. Having not eaten all day, he went to the kitchen at halftime and secured a meat-and-potato pie (pasty, in England), and munched it back on the sideline.

Problem: you can bet on such things in Great Britain. There were actually 8-1 odds at betting parlor Sun Bets that Sutton would eat a pie during the match (this is true), and he admitted in a post-game interview that he knew about it. After an investigation by the team and the FA, Shaw was asked to turn in his resignation. Pete Rose was banned from baseball for less, I think.

Put this all to music and you have a sequel to Sweeney Todd.

I was all set to support Shaw on this issue, but when you find a cow-buggering git like Piers Morgan on your side, it’s time to rethink your position.