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Sad things

Our Matt Rudnitsky, Infected By Trolls, Is Leaving SportsGrid


Hi. I’m Matt Rudnitsky, and I’m leaving SportsGrid. But first, I need to tell my story.

I began as an intern in the Summer of 2012. One of my first posts was about a mean man named Tim Donaghy. Instinctively, I was mean back.

“Hi.” I had been bitten by my first troll.

But life continued normally. Sure, my dear friend Vercher still won’t meet me (I still don’t know his or her first name!), but besides that, I didn’t notice any changes.

Until about a month ago, when I discovered our “comments” section.

I had always stopped at the final words of an article. Who knew there was a whole world beyond that world? A world in which readers could interact with writers. Brilliant! The telephone of the blogosphere. I went back and dug in, searching for the compliments and interesting questions, hoping to reclaim my missed opportunities at friendship.

But the world was littered with trolls. I was bit and bit and bit, and my limbs began to twitch. At some point, I was infected.

Matt Rudnitsky is the worst writer on this website. So it’s no surprise this article totally sucks balls, this kid, not so much compared to Matt’s terrible writing skills.

Matt , first visit Romania and after that you will see the american are more stupid. Same like you.

matt is a jew form urkaine

Matt,you are a waste of human flesh,,sad life you live!!!!!

Matt Rudnitsky likes penis in his pooper

fuck you matt rudnitsky

Easy Target…Lock and load with your cheap jokes and sneering commentary…The disgusting human being is Matt Rudnitsky…

Matt Rudnitsky CREEPILY uses the word creepily to avoid analyzing the man’s message. Why doesn’t he explain how Building 7 fell at nearly free-fall speed neatly into it’s own footprint on 911 despite never having been hit by a plane? No Matt, you’re the creep.

Mother of the writer of this story has a pathetic child: An actual true story about a wanna be journalist with no talent.

P.S. Tim Tebow is the man, and JESUS SAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was right. My mother had stopped loving me. But at least I was healthy. For the time being.

You call your article news? What a fucking joke. Matt, get sick.

And sick I got. Trolls have magical powers.

The doctor didn’t know what it was, but my limbs continued to twitch, I stopped eating and my hair turned grey. I couldn’t focus, so my writing got worse. Which intensified the hatred. And I couldn’t look away, lest I be turned to stone.

I only had to read the last line to know who wrote this article. FUCKING MATT RUDNITSKY. Why the fuck would my grandmother live in those conditions? God you’re such an awful writer, please just give up.

lol. he really had a shot of not fucking up this article, too. And then, boom, classic Matt Rudnitsky move, inserting a failed attempt at humor that has no basis whatsoever. Go back to Jokes 101 brah.

I tried to go back to Jokes 101, but they said I’d get everyone sick.

Fortunately, more suggestions poured in.

dude, YOU BLOW AT THIS. Please just stop writing for the rest of your life. Really. Just dont ever write anything again. Your lack of ability legitimately makes me angry.

Dear Matt Rudnitsky, I happen to see this article on a Google search. I’ve never heard of you. I hope I never hear of you again. I believe you are the racist for injecting the term into your article. You are an idiot.

Who IS Matt Rudnitsky?!! Obviously a very jealous person who has nothing good to say about anyone or anything. Perhaps he should change careers.

Careful Matt Rudnitsky. A fool should just keep their mouth shut. Then no one would know for a fact that you are one.

“A fool should just keep their mouth shut. Then no one would know for a fact that you are one.” Stolen from Confucius, clearly, but wise and grammatically correct, nonetheless. It finally hit me. I couldn’t be trolled if I didn’t write. Freed from my writing, I could even live in a cave and join the other side.

I loved my job, but I knew I had only one option. I had to quit. I began drafting this article.

But it wasn’t that easy.

terrible article. can’t even get the seeds right, and clearly know nothing about any team but your favorite. don’t quit your day job.

Your grammar is atrocious. You use profanity. The content of your writing is comparable to a third-grader’s. Your brain is probably as small as your tiny penis. Like the previous guy said, “Don’t quit your day job.” Oh wait, you probably don’t have one. You probably live in your mommy’s basement.

Great article. I think you have a future in writing great articles. On second thought… Don’t quit your day job.

Please dont quit your day job.

Was I making the right decision? These people really didn’t want me to quit my day job as a writer and Associate Editor at SportsGrid! I couldn’t let them down. So I stayed.

But the burden was too big. The hate kept pouring in. “You pitiful little twerp.” “Are you so simple of mind that you really think this is funny?” “I pity you.” “You’re a child at best and an Idiot are worst. Pitiful Idiot Child.”

I grew more ill. My fingernails fell out. My right pinky twitched, constantly. Hair grew on my palms. Handshakes ruined relationships before they started. I revisited this post. It was hard, but I had to leave SportsGrid.

This is my last day.

***

Absurdity aside, I will be moving abroad to teech teach English to kids who can’t talk good, and I’d like to thank everyone who made my first real-world job one that will be hard to top.

First, a massive thanks to Dan Fogarty for giving me a shot at an internship (thanks to Keith Gormley‘s supreme recommendation), and then for Dan’s even bigger brain fart in offering me a job. Then, equally-massive thanks to my first two bosses, Glenn Davis and Eric Goldschein, who somehow managed to be kind and tolerant as I did crazy things like make up stories that Tim Tebow got drunk and married a Jew. I was incredibly lucky.

Also, a huge thanks to the wonderful, smart, hilarious writers who made me proud to collaborate and share Internet space with: Dylan Murphy, Rick Chandler Jake O’Donnell, Evan Sporer, and interns Zach, Ricky and Andrew. And finally, all the people at Abrams Media, RotoExperts and Anthem Media for making it all possible. I will be reading, laughing and cheering you on from the faraway land of Narnia where I shall reside.

This job has taken me all over the world, from the Sloan Sports Analytics Conference, to Assembly Hall to the Final Four, to my parents’ couch, to my own couch, to many coffee-shop couches and chairs. My butt remained cozy through it all.

But most importantly, I’d like to thank you, four readers that actually read to this point. And everyone else who didn’t, even though you’ll never know. I appreciate all three laughs you gave me, and I even appreciate the mean comments, which, admittedly, were scarce within the hundreds (thousands?) of articles I wrote.

Your pageviews paid for my nutrition, and for that, I will be forever grateful. Goodbye, but please stay in touch. My sources have confirmed there is Internet where I am going, so I will be on Twitter, and I’m sure things will be written.

With hearts, likes and retweets,
Matt Rudnitsky



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