Gay people can run faster, jump higher, out-throw and outthink straight people. The London Olympics proved it. Sorry, heteros! The hard evidence, after the jump.

Want to get clicks for your online sports column? Tell the world that they’re stupid for not realizing that Usain Bolt is doping… just be sure to include zero hard evidence. The insanity, after the jump.

Carl Lewis doesn’t like all this Usain Bolt hysteria. He says we shouldn’t get too excited, cause the dude might be juicing. Oh, yeah? Usain has some words for you, fool! See them after the jump.

Oh, so you hear all this talk about sex at the Olympics and you assume USA track and field is a bunch of sluts? Well, you’re wrong. Lolo Jones sets the record straight after the jump.

Welcome to our eighth installment of Top 5 Dead Or Alive. In case you missed our piece last Friday on fictional athletes, we want you to know that this feature is designed specifically to make life hell for our employees. Each week, we’ll ask one of our writers to come up with a definitive list of the five best people, places or things in a particularly subjective category — then, we’ll ask you to tell him who or what is missing from the list. Feel free to be a total dick. After the jump, this week’s category: the five best Olympic athletes of all time.

An Olympic gold medalist admitted to cheating, but gets to keep his gold medal. And he’s actually being kind of noble. How this is all possible, after the jump.

Ryan Lochte is probably getting his own reality show. There are three ideas being discussed, all of which must be spectacular. For now, we can only speculate in what form this gift to mankind will appear. More, after the jump.

No, there are no leagues (yet). Yes, these may be the only two players in the world. But hey, if basketball was invented out of thin air, why can’t “Fire Tennis” achieve the same notoriety as James Naismith’s brainchild?

Team USA is done swimming in London, but they haven’t left the city. What have they been doing? Catching up on sleep? Spending time with family? Well, at night at least, they’ve been clubbing in one of the world’s most vibrant cities. Pictures (!) and inside dirt (!) after the jump.

Apparently, a drunk fan with great seats at the Olympic men’s 100m final decided to throw his Heineken bottle onto the track, just as the race was starting. He was arrested, and fortunately, it didn’t affect any of the competitors. Video, after the jump.