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Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NFL season. This team-by-team preview details why your favorite franchise might have to start looking forward to next year — and highlights at least one reason for you to be hopeful. Today: we’ll discuss why the Patriots are screwed because Tom Brady sucks and Bill Belichick isn’t a genius anymore.
Belichick spoke to the media for the first time since former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez was charged with the murder of Odin Lloyd two weeks ago.
Maybe, just maybe, Bill Belichick knew exactly what he was doing with this Tebow thing. Perhaps it was a ploy to get the media spotlight off of him, and Tom Brady, and the other essential working parts of the Patriots’ machine, and point it at a decoy. Tebow could be the red-shirted Star Trek crew member who always gets killed on away missions, allowing Kirk and McCoy to make it to the next show.
It hasn’t been 24 hours since the news broke that Tim Tebow will sign with the New England Patriots, and the team is already trying to capitalize on the holiest player in the National Football League with jersey pre-orders.
“The best thing about following CNN is getting a balanced take of terrorist plots and Tim Tebow’s work schedule.” Ha. More reaction ahead!