This may be the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen. But why should I be the only one to suffer? Yep, it’s the triumphant return of the Mascot Power Rankings, featuring glorious victory by Benny the Bull, gratuitous Pat Patriot, Pluto-kun fu, and a Brazilian mascot named Senhor Testiculo who spends a disturbing amount of time with children. Onward!

The Chicago Bulls were historically bad at offense last night. Not that we blame them — playing without your starters and placing the scoring onus directly on Nate Robinson’s back is bound to catch up with you at some point — but man, they were bad. As in, “No Bulls team has ever shot worse in the playoffs” kind of bad.

Lil Wayne manages to stay relevant by accusing the most prolific NBA team of kicking him out of their arena, then wines and dines their opponents. Well, it didn’t work because after he hooked the Bulls up with some bottles, they lost the next game by 400.

Craig Robinson wants you to sit back, relax, and stop bugging about Derrick Rose’s controversial absence in this year’s postseason. A timely point he makes, after last night’s Bulls/Heat buckwild Game 3 — everybody’s gotta just chill out about basketball stuff.

LeBron James and Nzar Mohammed go at it in the 2nd quarter of last night’s 104-94 Heat victory in Chicago. More violence from the NBA Playoffs installment of Friday Night Smackdown after the jump, including Noah vs Birdman and Nate Rob swatting LeBron.

Losing to the Heat 115-78 — Chicago’s worst playoff loss ever — was bad enough. But the Bulls, who played with great poise and confidence in their Game 1 win, blew their collective tops at the end of Game 2. After a very physical three quarters, Joakim Noah got tossed for yelling at a ref from the bench, and Taj Gibson wasn’t far behind.

Three-point specialist Marco Belinelli wants us all to know the secret to his success from behind the arc. Cartoonishly gigantic testicles. Oh. Video after the jump.

Last night’s triple overtime classic at the United Center was a throwback to the 90′s. Not only did the teams combine to score a staggering 276 points, but there was fight where neither player was ejected. And there’s just something about that court in Chicago that screams 1994. Maybe it’s the logo. Either way, I’m surprised they didn’t blast The Spice Girls during timeouts. Video of Nate Rob’s heroics, C.J. Watson’s epic missed dunk, and the two of them fighting at half court after the jump.

Another whacky highlight from one of the league’s several whacky sixth-men. Between J.R. Smith and Nate Robinson, I’m beginning to suspect a inverse correlation between normal human behavior and scoring off the bench.