When Damian Lillard stripped J.R. Smith and took the ball coast-to-coast for a tough layup against the Knicks last night, Twitter lost its collective sh*t. Kevin Harlan exclaimed, “Oh, he pulled a Houdini!” He also traveled.

We picked Portland Trail Blazers’ rookie point guard Damian Lillard to win Rookie of the Year. We’re one month into the season and that call isn’t looking half bad. He isn’t doing as well off the court, however, confiding to the Twitterverse that he is afraid of statues. But just historical statues, guys!

Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our 2012-13 guide to the upcoming NBA season, in which we identify the reasons why your favorite team might have to start looking forward to 2013-2014 — and highlight at least one reason for you to be hopeful. Today: the Portland Trail Blazers, home to such rotting body parts as Greg Oden’s and Brandon Roy’s knees.