Dennis Rodman has been all over the news lately because of his recent visit to North Korea. Thankfully, he and Kim Jong-un stopped by the Weekend Update desk at “Saturday Night Live” last night to hopefully answer a few questions.

Dennis Rodman’s trip to North Korea with the Harlem Globetrotters has been covered extensively. What hasn’t been covered, though, is what this means for the sport of basketball in North Korea, or, more specifically, what North Korea’s intentions with basketball may or may not be. Luckily, I’ve hacked this matrix of hoops and uncovered the awesome truth.

Earlier today, we tried to take a balanced view of Dennis Rodman’s trip to North Korea. Earlier today, a man criticized that trip… a man with a name we couldn’t possibly look at objectively.

OK, so it seems that North Korea still hates America in the abstract, therefore making Dennis Rodman’s much-ballyhooed “basketball diplomacy” trip something less than a smashing success, international-relations-wise. But before you declare the trip an outright failure, know this: Rodman, by all accounts, actually met with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. Join us as we try to find the meaning of it all.

Dennis Rodman’s mission to save the United States from nuclear destruction isn’t going too well. You might remember us telling you yesterday that he was joining three Harlem Globetrotters to film an HBO documentary on their try at “basketball diplomacy.” Well there’s no word on how they’re welcoming Rodman in particular, but according to the Washington Post, his stated-not-really stated isn’t affecting national policy.

North Korea conducted underground tests two weeks ago, in defiance of the UN. They say they need to protect themselves against the U.S. So VICE Media sent Dennis Rodman to save the day. Can Dennis Rodman save us all?

Dennis Rodman recently met up with his father, Philander (seriously: Philander) for the first time in 42 years. It’s a nice story, but what really caught our attention was what Philander’s doing with himself. It involves a truly magical collection of words: see those words after the jump.

A drunk 2:30 a.m. visit? Jager shots with breakfast? A restraining order. We must be talking about Dennis Rodman!

Raise your hand if you didn’t see this one coming. The Worm, once a fierce rebounder, NBA champion, outrageous personality and party boy extraordinaire, escaped jail time today with the defense that he is suffering from alcoholism so great, he can’t work. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. More sad details, after the jump.

In perhaps the most benign bit of strange Dennis Rodman news that exists, the Worm was photographed sporting some sort of man purse, and perhaps a colorful collection of scarfs tied around his waist? We aren’t totally sure what he’s got there, actually. Thoughts, America? Glimpse the full outfit after the jump.