English football fans are extremely success-starved, so their side’s shootout loss to Italy at Euro 2012 yesterday was especially devastating. And one England supporter whom you’ll (maybe) see after the jump showed exactly how far they’ll go to win. (Warning: subtle, but still NSFW.)

In a match dominated by the Azzurri from start to finish, Italy’s Alessandro Diamanti knocked home the fifth and final penalty of his team’s quarterfinal match against England to send the Italians through to the semis. After no goals had been scored in regulation or overtime, it came down to penalties to determine who will be facing Germany in the semis. But the real star of the show was Andrea Pirlo, who calmly chipped the ball down middle on his penalty while England keeper Joe Hart, who dove to his right, watched the ball slowly float into the goal. Watch Pirlo’s cheeky right foot, after the jump.

Major American sports demand athletes to conduct postgame press conferences, even after gut-wrenching losses. The player is probably emotionally charged, but leaves his angry hat in the locker room and supplies bland and cliched quotes with little incisive insight. Even when the questions are overly biting, meant to elicit hostile jabs that will ultimately bolster pageviews, players usually maintain their guarded exteriors.

We’ve seen the ruckus-causing soccer fans do their thing throughout Euro 2012. As is to be expected, the majority of these traveling supporters are males. And then there are the real people, confined to the meager comforts of their homes, who can’t quite make the trip but remain fully capable of putting their childish fanaticism. So to whom do the women of these enthusiasts turn? Male escorts, of course.

Particular praise is awarded to Cesc Fabregas for smacking Pedro Rodriguez in the face during a celebration.

The group stage of Euro 2012 provided matches to watch every day. For Europeans, most matches came during the evenings. For Americans, it was the mornings and afternoons. For those in Asia, it was the wee hours of the morning. Jiang Xiaoshan of China, who stayed up for 11 straight nights to catch the action, had one too many sleepless nights. He died of exhaustion Tuesday morning.

Portugal’s headed to the Euro 2012 semifinals after a 1-0 win over the Czech Republic today, with (who else?) Cristiano Ronaldo providing the game’s lone score. But the goal isn’t all people are talking about – there’s also been a word or two said about what Ronaldo did after the scored.

Ever since Paul the Octopus (R.I.P.) rocketed to fame during the 2010 World Cup, no major sporting event would be caught dead without an animal mascot “predicting” the outcomes of games. One such mascot at Euro 2012 is Funtik the pig… though his work was recently interrupted.

Now that the group stage is over, Euro 2012 is beginning to come into focus. Here’s what we know so far, and what you need to know if you end up at a bar with some crazy foreigners while Europe’s biggest tournament is on.

You’re a busy guy/gal. You have a life — you can’t be sitting around watching 90 minute games of soccer in the middle of the day, even if it’s the famed European Football Championship. You probably don’t even know that we’re done with the group stage already. Why don’t you catch up by watching all of the tournament’s goals so far, in under two minutes. Then get back to work.