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Each year, the Flaccolantern rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He’s gotta pick this one. He’s got to.
Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NFL season. This team-by-team preview details why your favorite franchise might have to start looking forward to next year — and highlights at least one reason for you to be hopeful. Today: we’ll talk about why the defending Super Bowl Champions don’t have a chance at repeating.
We were already a little skeptical about a movie called “Unitas We Stand,” because, even as movie titles go, it makes no sense and is lame. But apparently we’re not the only ones who aren’t pumped for the Johnny Unitas biopic: a good chunk of the family is outraged that Joe Flacco, Super Bowl champion and not-actor, will take on the role (for just a few scenes, mind you) and they’re letting the world know.
First he wins a Super Bowl. Then he signs a 6-year, $120 million deal. Now he’s playing Johnny Unitas in final scenes of an upcoming biopic, based on the book “Johnny U: The Life and Times of Johnny Unitas” by Tom Callahan. Don’t give him the Oscar just yet, you haven’t heard what it’s called. (Hint: It’s a terrible pun)
Fresh off a legendary postseason performance, a Super Bowl victory in which he won MVP, and signing the richest contract in NFL history, Joe Flacco is feeling pretty confident. How confident? Enough that he is publicly laughing off Ray Lewis’ pregame speeches.
Oh, you thought a Super Bowl was going to merit Joe Flacco a fat contract from the team for which he won said Super Bowl? Well, other teams are interested, namely: the Cleveland Browns. And because of the salary cap and the NFL’s complicated free agency rules, there is actually a slight chance this will happen.
The first stop was the Late Show with David Letterman, where Flacco discussed his contract situation, and conceded that half the time he himself doesn’t really get Ray Lewis’s deal. Video, after the jump.
The “Is Joe Flacco Elite?” question actually means something now, because the Super Bowl XLVII MVP needs a new contract. It seems safe to assume he’ll get a fat one. But how much will he get, and how much does he deserve after producing perhaps the greatest quarterback performance for a QB of all-time? An investigation, after the jump.