Looking for doppelgängers is an American pastime. You watch Chris Bosh, you think Velociraptor. You see Stephen Colbert, you think Bob Saget. The feeling of a successful “call” is the best feeling us non-athletes will ever experience. It’s true glory. This is our Olympics. Our Miracle On Ice.

Usain Bolt set the Olympic record in the 100 meters, but he thinks he can run it faster. Michael Johnson says he can improve his technique. But more importantly, Bolt ate a McDonald’s chicken wrap before the race. That’s not proper nutrition. Our resident fast-food-sprinting-nutritionist is appalled, and thinks Bolt can break 9.4, if he takes some friendly suggestions. See those after the jump.

Watch the Leader of the Free World express his confusion over women’s gymnastics, after the jump.

Zoe Smith is a female weightlifter. This fact apparently makes some feel morally obligated to express to her that there’s “something wrong with her body.” Recently, Smith went off on such people on her blog… and it was terrific.

Don’t know what to watch at the London 2012 Olympics? Well, since there are dozens of events per day and NBC complicates things with its tape-delays, things can get really confusing. Fortunately, we’re here to help, weed out the crap (*cough, equestrian*) and highlight the few events you should focus on (from a jingoistic American’s point of view, obviously). And we’ll tell you how/when you can watch them, because, again, NBC sucks.

A South Korean fencer got royally screwed by a clock “getting stuck.” It’s a confusing situation, but we’re here to explain. CONTROVERSY, after the jump.

Move over, dumb Greek Olympian. This Swiss soccer player is on your level of bigotry. We didn’t think it was possible to make the same degree of mistake after Voula Papachristou’s unforgivable blunder became international news, but this poorly-styled man has indeed taken it to the house. The racist house.

Have you watched any diving at the 2012 London Olympics? If you have, I’m sure your first thoughts were regarding its obvious aesthetic beauty and fluidity. The entire point of the event is to be the most graceful, and the body control shown is truly majestic.

But what you don’t see on TV is their faces in midair. And they are greater than Frosted Flakes.

There are 35 Olympic events in total, but which of them is the most Olympic? From an American perspective, there are a few factors that determine Olympic-ness. How does it reflect the Olympic spirit of excellence? How is its profile raised by the Olympics? How Olympic does it feel?