So, Manchester United may have been offsides on all three of van Persie’s goals. Still, if you do nothing else today, watch his brilliant second goal on an absurd volley off of a perfect Wayne Rooney ball.

So, about that red card: fair or foul?

A short while ago, the first leg of Manchester United and Real Madrid’s Round of 16 Champions League matchup ended in a 1-1 draw at the Santiago Bernabéu. Gus Johnson, whom FOX sports is grooming to become the voice of the World Cup in 2018, called the match. It was his first premiere showcase. So, how’d he do?

In recent days, rumors regarding Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli’s transfer to AC Milan have been heating up. Today they were confirmed, Balotelli heading back to Italy for a £19.5 million fee and a contract through 2017. But we’re more interested in The Sun’s report (and pictures!) of some Manchester United fans pissing on Balotelli’s car and bare-assing the back window.

When Rio Ferdinand re-signed with Manchester United in 2005, it was a difficult process. The negotiations were long and painful, so fans decided to speed things up by showing up to his house and demand that he sign.

Robin van Persie got absolutely DRILLED, point-blank, by a strike from Swansea defender Ashley Williams. Video of the kick and the ensuing scuffle, as well as reactions, after the jump.

Piers Morgan’s Twitter reaction to Robin van Persie’s ManU signing puts LeBron James’ “Decision” fallout to shame. Watch Morgan go absolutely primal in his disdain for van Persie after the jump.

There are two ways to get a tryout with Manchester United, the most popular professional sports club in the world. One: You are a world-class footballer and you wind up miraculously in the right place at the right time. Two: You are a world-class sprinter and you happen to be boys with Sir Alex Ferguson. Try to figure out which road Usain Bolt is trying to take after the jump.

Usain Bolt set the Olympic record in the 100 meters, but he thinks he can run it faster. Michael Johnson says he can improve his technique. But more importantly, Bolt ate a McDonald’s chicken wrap before the race. That’s not proper nutrition. Our resident fast-food-sprinting-nutritionist is appalled, and thinks Bolt can break 9.4, if he takes some friendly suggestions. See those after the jump.