One in the final four, and none in the stink: Shockers are people who harvest wheat, apparently. That being said, what the hell is with the mascot? Is it a stalk of wheat, or a partially exploded Polly-O string cheese? Rastafarian Bart Simpson? Wikipedia, activate explanation!

Now, this is how you greet female celebrities, 50 Cent.

Western Illinois’ mascot Rocky isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. One of the school’s cheerleaders was backflipping across the basketball court when Rocky ambled across the court. Now those mascot heads are big and bulky and shift around a lot, so maybe he just couldn’t see. But whatever the reason, Rocky stumbled right into the backflipping cheerleader and the two collided.

Now Denver did get the last laugh because they beat Oklahoma City 121-118 in overtime, but not before Russell Westbook could goaltend two of the Denver mascot’s trick shots. Kevin Garnett has the annoying habit of doing the same to post-whistle shots, and nobody likes Kevin Garnett. So don’t be Kevin Garnett, Russell Westbrook. Please.

Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears have been relishing their rivalry this week, with Jermichael Finley and Lance Briggs exchanging barbs over whether or not the Bears are better with or without Brian Urlacher. Now a little girl is getting in on the action, but don’t let her exterior fool you, she can throw jabs with the rest of them.

The real Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick. The mascot Teddy Roosevelt is a lot meeker, always losing his footrace against mascots George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln. But after more than 500 losses, another defeat was not to be at Nationals Park.

Wally the Green Monster has gone missing. We’ve been accused of being a potential suspect, but we maintain our innocence and have begun our own independent investigation. Here’s what we’ve found.

Yeah, really. Potomac is the single-A affiliate of the Washington Nationals, and they’ve got important business to take care of. Know this, though: as Big League Stew notes, it was the mascot costume, and not, you know, a person, that suffered the burns. Here’s the unofficial-official press release from the team, after the jump.

The European Athletic Championships finished up in Helsinki today, and Mahiedine Mekhissi-Benabbad won the gold medal in the 3000 meter steeplechase. His celebration, however, quickly devolved from jubilation to, well, assault, as he knocked away a gift from some mascot and then proceeded to shove the mascot itself. Oh yeah, one more thing: the person inside the mascot was a 14-year-old girl.

The NBA lockout may be making life difficult for everyone else, but Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull is making sure to have fun even if all players and owners do is bicker and complain about who should get more money.