This may be the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen. But why should I be the only one to suffer? Yep, it’s the triumphant return of the Mascot Power Rankings, featuring glorious victory by Benny the Bull, gratuitous Pat Patriot, Pluto-kun fu, and a Brazilian mascot named Senhor Testiculo who spends a disturbing amount of time with children. Onward!

We see you, Danny Amendola.

As you know, Wes Welker is a Denver Bronco. By all accounts his departure from the Patriots, with whom he’s enjoyed massive success since he joined the team in 2007, came down to feeling like the organization didn’t show him enough respect. Some Pats fans, though, didn’t seem to care what the cause of departure was – they were just angry.

Well, that’s a way to shake free agency up. Wes Welker, as it was initially reported he might earlier in the day, reached a deal with the Broncos, ending his absurdly productive Patriots tenure – and beginning one in Denver that will almost assuredly result in numbers just as big, with Peyton Manning throwing him the ball. The deal is for two years and $12 million. More after the jump.

You knew it was a doomed idea from the start, sex.com. You knew Rob Gronkowski wouldn’t really take a blowtorch to his own NFL (and endorsement, probably) career and take your offer of $3.75 million to do a porn scene. But it was a noble effort all the same.

As you might imagine, Rob Gronkowski celebrated the Super Bowl that he didn’t play in by dancing shirtless. Then he bodyslammed the bro next to him, landing on his broken arm. Truly a classic case of Gronk being Gronk, after the jump.

A newspaper writer thinks the Patriots should trade Tom Brady to the Cardinals. He is the worst kind of troll. Read on, if you want your head to explode, or you want to be reassured of your own intelligence.

Remember when Tom Brady slide-kicked Ed Reed during the AFC title game, didn’t get flagged, and people freaked out because clearly Brady was receiving preferential treatment? Well, now there’s a new reason to complain that Brady received preferential treatment!

Totally pissed at the Pats’ stunning elimination in the AFC title game, Wes Welker’s wife Anna Burns Welker took her rage out on Facebook. She took some sort of high road, chewing out Wes’s opponent, not his teammate, mocking Ray Lewis for being an alleged murderer.