While waiting for takeaway (to-go, in these United States) food outside of a club, 26-year-old Newcastle defender Danny Simpson, reportedly drunk and agitated, argued with a man in his 40s or 50s. Earlier in the night, he had been at the Circle Club with former Manchester United youth teammates Tom Cleverley and Danny Welbeck before stepping outside for some drunk munchies. But the argument eventually escalated from words to shoves to a thrown punch, Simpson landing a blow to the man’s face and knocking him to the ground. But then Simpson was attacked by two bouncers, leaving him like this.

Arsenal thrashed Newcastle 7-3 today, scoring six goals in the second half. Insert Jets, Chiefs offense jokes here, etc. The final goal came in stoppage time from Theo Walcott, who was gunning for a hat trick. It was, as described the reddit user who posted it, “cute.” Very, very cute.

Manchester City midfielder Nigel De Jong broke Newcastle forward Hatem Ben Arfa’s leg in a match over a week ago, putting Ben Arfa out of commission for six months…and now Marseille may sue De Jong.