Let’s not go Pens. Let’s go stab our eyes out with pens. Let’s go home and shave our chest hair and dispose of all the crystal meth that put our minds in such a dark place. Or, just add an “i” after the “n,” because we are three years old.

The Pittsburgh Penguins and Philadelphia Flyers aren’t normal hockey teams — they combined for 56 goals in their six-game playoff series last year. That held last night, when the Flyers eked out a 6-5 win. But one of the 11 goals was amongst the strangest we’ve ever seen, with virtually everyone on the ice scrambling during a looooooong goalmouth scrum, with no whistles blown, and netminder Tomas Vokoun being one of the few people not in the play, as he was left completely disillusioned. There clearly should have been a penalty on Kris Letang for trying to throw the puck out of the crease, but that would’ve negated this highlight. So we thank you, confused refs.

If you don’t like hockey, just watch a Flyers-Penguins game, and you will become a fan.

Busy evening o’ sports, but you were probably mostly paying attention to Ravens-Pats. A recap of that, plus what you missed while overloading on football, after the jump.

Sometimes it’s hard to stay in shape during the lockout, months of inactivity shriveling a pristine athletic body into that of an old lady. Amirite, Sidney Crosby?

While yesterday’s sports headlines were dominated by Euro 2012, Wimbledon, and the NBA Draft, there was some big hockey news that might have slipped by the wayside. Two blockbuster contracts were handed out, with Pittsburgh signing Sidney Crosby to a 12-year/$104 million contract, and the Los Angeles Kings handing Jonathan Quick a 10-year deal worth $58 million. Here’s why those contracts — and other NHL deals like them — boggle our minds.

Even non-hockey fans will get goosebumps watching Pens goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury put in some serious work during this 3rd period power play. Arguably the best two minutes of hockey you’ll ever see, after the jump.

The Flyers/Penguins series has been brutal and one-sided, and tonight, Philly can close out the series with a 4-0 sweep. The Philadelphia Daily News is aware of this, and is doing its part by taunting Pittsburgh’s biggest star, Sidney Crosby, by running this photo of Crosby as the Cowardly Lion.

Or, “Has the fighting culture in hockey reached a breaking point when color commentators want to ‘drop a bomb’ on Sidney Crosby?” Some brutal audio, after the jump.

Civil War was breaking out in Pennsylvania today. With little love between Pittsburgh and Philly, today’s game three playoff matchup was always going to be testy. But the punches that were thrown — including a cheap shot by Arron Asham — bordered on the ridiculous. Video after the jump.

This is classified as a felony in some states. Kris Letang had half the net to shoot at but Ilya Bryzgalov’s glove was faster than Letang’s shot.