Fed is happily married and heavily sought after.

Ever wonder what people are going to say at your funeral? Sorry to get dark, but a video saying Roger Federer has retired puts us in that mood. (Via Bob’s Blitz.)

Roger Federer is washed up. He needs to retire before he embarrasses himself any more.

Details, after the jump.

There was actually quite the wide variety of sports on television last night – the World Baseball Classic, where the United States fell to the Dominican Republic, some TNT basketball and tennis! Well, Federer and Nadal, so the only tennis you’d consider watching that’s not a Grand Slam.

This morning (well, this morning U.S. Eastern time), Andy Murray notched one of the biggest wins of his career, beating Roger Federer in five sets to advance to his third Australian Open final. But that doesn’t mean he looked happy with himself while doing it. How unhappy did he look? See after the jump.

Tennis is really heating up, you guys. Just like we said it would. But before we get to that, there’s basketball to break down – including the first faceoff between the Knicks and Celtics since this went down. Let’s get to it.

Thought experiment time: imagine a hunting rifle was invented that came with a special attachment. You filled this attachment with light beer, and every time you pulled the trigger on this rifle, it also automatically triggered the attachment to shoot the light beer into your mouth. Now imagine that as a celebrity endorser, this product signed Jared Allen. Well, it still wouldn’t be as good an athlete/product match as Roger Federer/Moët & Chandon.

Once upon a time, Andy Roddick was the golden boy of American tennis. He was going to carry the torch Sampras and Agassi left behind, the one they themselves got from Connors and McEnroe. And it looked promising at first when Roddick won the 2003 U.S. Open. But along came Federer. And Nadal. And Djokovic. And Murray. And basically the rest of the world, who lapped Roddick and ensured his Open victory would be his first and last major championship. Today, Andy turned the big Three-O, and announced his departure from tennis.

The web roundup for Wednesday, July 11th. Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. See anything that should be on SportsGrid? Send it to tips@sportsgrid.com. After the jump, our starting five.