World, meet Dylan Moses. A 6’1″ 217lb 8th grader with scholarship offers from the entire SEC. Justifiably so, despite the possibility that the uncomfortably early attention turns him into Amanda Bynes. Or worse, Tyrann Mathieu!

You see what he did here, right? There’s “Sons Of Anarchy,” that popular FX TV show, and there’s [insert crazy Alabama fan] willing to do [insert crazy thing] to show his support. The result was a mildly clever “Sons Of Saban” moniker, and a wildly only-in-the-SEC tattoo.

SEC country is our favorite country, mostly because people like 46-year-old Jana Lawrence of Dacula, Georgia exist. Jana went to watch the SEC championship game on Saturday, and probably threw back a few too many. So she exposed herself, touched other people’s genitals and licked some tattoos, among other debauchery while at two different restaurants.

Saturday means college football, which means you were either out partying and didn’t particularly care, or you were out watching the games and getting hammered, which means you don’t remember what happened. Either way, let’s take a look at the top stories, including some title game drama and an emphatic cap on a Heisman bid.

No. 7 LSU has jumped out to a 10-0 lead at halftime in their game today against Arkansas, mostly due to the fantastic hand of wide receiver Jarvis Landry. Racing up the seam, Landry twisted his body around the defender draped all over him to corral Zach Mettenberger’s 22-yard, back shoulder throw. One-handed. As in his left hand never made contact with the ball.

No. 8 Arkansas lost to Louisiana-Monroe over the weekend, a monumental upset that the Razorback football program actually paid $500,000 to endure. The SEC is football-crazed, and it was never so perfectly epitomized than as it was through this Arkansas fan, donning a hog mask and singing her own rendition of “United We Stand.”

Jim Donnan coached Georgia and was elected to the College Football Hall-of-Fame. Now, he’s probably going to jail for conducting an $80 million Ponzi scheme in which he screwed over his own players. The details, after the jump.

After finishing off a National Championship runner-up season with LSU, and placing fifth in the Heisman voting, Tyrann Mathieu, a.k.a. “The Honey Badger,” has been dismissed from LSU’s football team.

Through extensive research, the AP discovered that SEC schools don’t care if athletes smoke weed. Through having a beating heart, going to college and watching college football, Americans had already arrived at a similar conclusion and continue not to care about this issue whatsoever. But we still applaud the AP for officially uncovering what we already knew to be true.

Some people are ashamed of their unibrow. They pluck, wax, shave and do all sorts of things to get rid of it, to live without it. But they’ve got it all wrong: true power comes from owning your brow, not banishing it. So that’s what Anthony Davis is doing, and his mom has his back. Here’s a picture of Eranier Davis, Anthony’s mom, rocking a unibrow mask in support of her SEC player of the year son. Looks pretty good, doesn’t it?