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By an overwhelming 16-2 vote, the NCAA voted today to give its Big 5 conferences – the SEC (a.k.a. the “Football Conference”), the ACC (the “Basketball Conference”), the Pac-12 (the “Nike Conference”), the Big Ten (the “First Conference”) and the Big 12 (“Ringo”) – autonomy, allowing them to create their own rules for 11 explicitly listed areas, such as athlete outside interests, scholarship amounts and insurance. May God have mercy on our souls.
These schools have the most engaged fans? Fine. Let’s take them down a peg and remind them: At the end of the day, most of the value you take from your school derives from watching big jock morons smash into each other for an hour each week.
World, meet Dylan Moses. A 6’1″ 217lb 8th grader with scholarship offers from the entire SEC. Justifiably so, despite the possibility that the uncomfortably early attention turns him into Amanda Bynes. Or worse, Tyrann Mathieu!
You see what he did here, right? There’s “Sons Of Anarchy,” that popular FX TV show, and there’s [insert crazy Alabama fan] willing to do [insert crazy thing] to show his support. The result was a mildly clever “Sons Of Saban” moniker, and a wildly only-in-the-SEC tattoo.
Licking Strangers, Exposing Buttocks and Racial Slurs: One Fan Drank Too Much While Watching The SEC Championship Game
SEC country is our favorite country, mostly because people like 46-year-old Jana Lawrence of Dacula, Georgia exist. Jana went to watch the SEC championship game on Saturday, and probably threw back a few too many. So she exposed herself, touched other people’s genitals and licked some tattoos, among other debauchery while at two different restaurants.
What Happened Last Night: Notre Dame Stays Undefeated, Heismanziel Talk Heats Up, Alabama And Georgia To Face Off For SEC/National Title
Saturday means college football, which means you were either out partying and didn’t particularly care, or you were out watching the games and getting hammered, which means you don’t remember what happened. Either way, let’s take a look at the top stories, including some title game drama and an emphatic cap on a Heisman bid.
No. 7 LSU has jumped out to a 10-0 lead at halftime in their game today against Arkansas, mostly due to the fantastic hand of wide receiver Jarvis Landry. Racing up the seam, Landry twisted his body around the defender draped all over him to corral Zach Mettenberger’s 22-yard, back shoulder throw. One-handed. As in his left hand never made contact with the ball.
No. 8 Arkansas lost to Louisiana-Monroe over the weekend, a monumental upset that the Razorback football program actually paid $500,000 to endure. The SEC is football-crazed, and it was never so perfectly epitomized than as it was through this Arkansas fan, donning a hog mask and singing her own rendition of “United We Stand.”