You may cry, you sentimental fellow, you.

I do not know how Joe is keeping that sad face, even if it’s ironic. 99% of the population would smile, then Instagram. If a penguin shot me in the face, I’d smile.

Outfielder Cody Rogers was a 7th round draft choice of the Tampa Bay Rays in 2009, and has yet to break through to the majors. The 24-year-old batted .244 this past season for the Charlotte Stone Crabs, a Rays Single A affiliate, with 4 HRs, 38 RBIs and 39 runs scored. He is also a man who refuses to take required drug tests and has been suspended 50 games.

Do you care what Alfonso Ribeiro has been up to since Fresh Prince went off the air 16 years ago? Yeah, I don’t either, nor what I am exactly sure about what he does nowadays (I think it involves hosting a game show). But is he moonlighting as a member of the Tampa Bay Rays grounds crew? Or is this groundskeeper just really, freakishly good at Carlton’s signature dance? Watch and decide for yourself, after the jump.

There wasn’t much controversy associated with Felix Hernandez’s perfect game against the Rays yesterday – King Felix was dominant. So dominant, in fact, that the main point of contention was something the Rays – and specifically, manager Joe Maddon – did.

If you took every horrifying detail from a local news anchor’s PCP-induced fever dream, you’d be about halfway to concocting the tale of Ronald Brown, a 57-year-old puppeteer from Largo, Florida. This is, literally, every terrible thing you can think of thrown into one news story.

For an evil guy, Darth Vader had a lot going for him back in the day. Tons of power. An intimidation factor that was off the charts. A connection with the Force that rivaled anyone’s, and even ultimate redemption. Pitching skills, however, were not part of the deal.

The Tampa Bay Rays and Seattle Mariners played quite the game last night, one that lasted 14 innings with the Rays squeaking out the win on a Ben Zobrist RBI double. But the real festivities came in the top of the 13th, when a fan in a Dodgers hat, who also bears a random resemblance to Bobby Baccalieri from The Sopranos, got down to “Jump On It.” The fan sitting a few rows behind Bobby is NOT amused.

Probably one of the last things one would consider while watching a baseball game at the stadium is: “Will I get shot here?” And yet, that’s exactly what happened to Charles Sweatt, a Florida resident who took a stray bullet in the leg. The origin of the bullet was unknown, but what Sweatt did afterwards should go down in history as unequivocally awesome.