Go home, ump. You’re drunk. No, really.

The replacement referees may be gone, but for those of you dying for your fix of terrible officiating, look no further than the regular MLB umpires.

Being a home plate umpire isn’t an easy job. You’ve got tons of calls to make every night, and you’ll get the vast majority right… but you know that no one will notice unless you screw something up. Oh, and you also might get kicked in the face.

The Milwaukee Brewers’ Zack Greinke was ejected last night in the bottom of the first inning in his start against the Houston Astros after a bang-bang play at first base in which umpire Sam Holbrook ruled Jose Altuve safe. Check out the video, after the jump.

The MLB’s Playing Rules Committee is moving forward with plans to ban the fake-to-third, throw-to-first pickoff move. Because this was the most urgent rule change the committee needed to make.

Because not every sports story can transcend traditional boundaries and become a commentary on race, politics and culture, here’s a video of an umpire taking a Stephen Strasberg fastball to the… slow… balls?

Last night, during the White Sox and Blue Jays game, home plate umpire Gary Cederstrom forgot what the count was. So after a brief conversation with Adam Dunn, he sheepishly went to the White Sox dugout to call someone who knew. A difficult few minutes on the job after the jump.

According to this piece, published in Science Daily, umpires (both white and non-white ones) give a slightly fatter strike zone to guys who look like them: “Analysis of 3.5 million pitches from 2004 to 2008 found that minority pitchers scale back their performance to overcome racial/ethnic favoritism toward whites by MLB home plate umpires, said economist Johan Sulaeman, a financial economist at Southern Methodist University in Dallas and a study author. The study found that minority pitchers reacted to umpire bias by playing it safe with the pitches they throw in a way that actually harmed their performance and statistics.”

Think the Pirates got screwed by a blown call at the end of their 19-inning loss t the braves last night/this morning? You’d have plenty of company in that – including, officially, the umpire who made the call.