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washington wizards


Cancel The Season And Give The Wizards The NBA Championship For Trolling Heat Fans

NEVER FORGET, Game 6, 2013 NBA Finals:

“I can’t believe they lost. That’s the only think I’m thinking right now. They were oh-so-close.” – Heat fan.


LeBron James: Good At Basketball, Less Good At Backing Up Trash Talk

“You’ll see the numbers I’ll put up on Wednesday. Just watch.” –Lebron James


Kanye In Chicago: ♬ We Shoulda Never Let Michael Jordan Play For The Wizards ♬

The musical notes signify Kanye sung those words (though your definition of singing might not include “auto-tuned talking”). An entire song. About M.J. In front of a sold-out crowd. We’re not kidding — this really happened. And no, you will not be able to get it out of your head for the rest of the day once you hear it…

NBA Previews

Pretty Much Screwed: The 2013-14 Washington Wizards

Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NBA season. This team-by-team preview details why it’s probably not your favorite team’s year. Now we take a look at the Washington Wizards, who just traded a first round draft pick for Shannon Brown. Brilliant.


Adorable Young Girl Interviews Washington Wizards, Does Adorable Young Girl Things

“What’s your shoe size? Before you answer, can I guess?” “Can you do the dougie?” “Who is your celebrity crush?” These are real questions. Or, at the very least, better than the run-of-the-mill cliche-feeding that invariably takes over ever pre and postgame press conference. Things are better when De’La, our intrepid “junior reporter” for the Washington Wizards, has the mic in her hands. Right, Marty?


Washington Wizards Announcers Mistake Airball For Buzzer-Beating “Dagger”

Washington Wizards play-by-play announce Steve Buckhantz is well liked in the Beltway, and noteworthy for his catchphrase, “DAGGERRRR!!!!” Since his Wizards rarely ever get to draw their dagger these days, he’ll jump on any rare opportunity he gets to shout it to the world. He thought this game was one of those times. It was not.


What Happened Last Night: Heat Coast To Tenth Straight Win, Rockets Lose To Lowly Wizards

What a light Saturday night in the sports world. Only a few NBA games were going, very few of them of consequence to impending playoff picture. There were two worth noting, though: the continuing dominance of the Miami Heat and the Houston Rockets faltering in the struggle for the final playoff spot in the West.

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