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Due To Severe Oompa Loompa Shortage, Maria Sharapova Will Not Be Changing Her Name To ‘Sugarpova’ After All

In a story you thought was made up but is actually true, we brought you the news earlier today that Maria Sharapova was changing her name to “Sugarpova”, for the duration of the U.S. Open. Why do this? Because of her line of premium candy, called “Sugarpova”, needed a sales boost, I suppose.

Coincidentally, today is the one-year anniversary of the launch of “Sugarpova” candy, which can be found on your grocer’s aisle, right next to the “Honey Bunches of Andre Agassi”. Daily Mail:

It is estimated that almost 2 million bags of the sweets were sold last year, topping up Sharapova’s yearly earnings to £15million.

The Russian may still need the permission of the grand slam committee but if that is granted, she could be introduced and addressed as Miss Sugarpova. Scores would also be read out in favour of her new moniker.

However, cooler heads have apparently prevailed.

The agent for Maria Sharapova has told ESPN’s Darren Rovell that after brief consideration, the tennis superstar will not pursue a request to change her last name to “Sugarpova.”

Max Eisenbud said that despite the novelty of the potential marketing stunt, “we ultimately decided against it.”

Or, it was purely a marketing stunt from the get-go, and they had no real plans to actually change her name.

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
What’s boring and slow and will rot out your teeth?
Girls playing tennis, while selling you sweets

READ: Not A Joke: Maria Sharapova Wants To Change Her Name To ‘Sugarpova’ For The U.S. Open

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