Every little boy and girl dreams to one day qualify for the Olympics, where he/she can
compete against party with the best athletes in the world (and have lots of alcohol, McDonald’s and sex). Right?
“The vast majority of us can only dream of being an Olympic-level athlete – but we have no real idea of what that means. Here… is the truth of the Olympic experience. It is an unimaginable worl… the politicians’ visits with their flirty spouses, the vast range of athletes with their odd body shapes and freakish genetics, the release post-competition in the Olympic village with all the excessive drinking, eating, partying and sex … They all have a tale to tell- and most of those tales would make your eyes pop more than an Olympic weightlifter’s.”
According to the book, the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney dished out 70,000 condoms to athletes and they ran out in a week. There were 10,651 competing athletes, so that means that leaves one condom, per athlete, per day for that week. HOWEVER, those ridiculous numbers are apparently intentional hyperbole.
“It’s a tradition — taking so many that they have to replace them,” Todd Lodwick, the 35-year-old-five-time Olympic Nordic combined athlete and a two-time gold medalist, told the Post. “It’s a myth: ‘Oh, look at all the sex these Olympians are having!’ ”
Well that’s upsetting. But still, the Post confirmed that they DO have a lot of sex. Like, more than normal. And it’s hot, Olympian-on-Olympian — probably often international — sex. And Michael Phelps probably does tear through at least a condom a day. Probably even more once he is done competing, which apparently the athletes refer to as the “Days of Glory.”
“You stay up all night and party, and you wait for McDonald’s to start serving breakfast at 4:30 in the morning,” she says. “You eat, sleep, then get up at 9 or 10 a.m. for press, and then you start partying all over again. Two years ago, it was Day 6 or 7 [of partying] for me, and I was like, ‘I quit.’ And they were like, ‘You call yourself an Olympian?’ ”
I’m not impressed. Sounds like college to me. The same insults are levied, except, “You call yourself in college, bro?” or “You’re really in a frat, bro?” are instead the questions.
The condoms are free, unlimited and stamped with a sport-specific logo. The food and beverages are free, too. As many Big Macs as the heart can desire, or survive. The Post says that “while alcohol and drugs are banned at Olympic Villages, competitors often fill water bottles with booze and smuggle in weed and doping agents.” As the anonymous author writes: “What happens in the Village, stays in the Village.”
The interviewed athletes also dissed curlers, saying their sport is the easiest, you don’t have to be in shape to be a “top athlete,” but that they “are considered gold medalists when it comes to partying.”
“Curlers are known for drinking. The sport doesn’t require that much,” an anonymous Olympian told the Post.
“Shitballs,” say curlers across the world.
And then there’s this.
“The most surprising part of US Olympic tradition? Getting so wasted the night before you take your traditional post-Games trip to the White House that the next morning, as you’re shaking hands with the president, you’re still drunk.”
Apparently, tons of people do this. I’m sure if Tim Thomas had thought of it, he’d have made his comments to Obama’s face, in a drunken stupor, instead of on his Facebook page.