How are all of you doing out there? You’re doing well? That’s good to hear. How am I doing? I’m doing very well, thank you for asking. Why am I in such a good mood, you ask? Well, I was having a normal day – not bad, just normal – but then, something magical happened: my day was touched by true genius. I saw something I had never seen before, and may never again. I saw two activities taking place under one roof – two activities so disparate that only a mind possessing a certain sort of mad brilliance would ever think to combine them. That’s right: today, ladies and gentlemen, I saw Backflips & Beatdowns:
It was Backflips & Beatdowns 2, so it’s happened once before, but this is the first I’d heard of it. And I’ve heard enough to say: take whatever human being thought this unholy concoction up, and give them all of the raises. Not a raise: all of the raises.
I’m attempting right now to put myself in the head of a person who might think: “Two people in a cage beating the crap out of each other? BORING. Give me MOTORCYCLE BACKFLIPS over it all!” I can’t do it. And that means the person who dreamed this up operates on a level beyond the limits of my imagination. I’m grateful for this creation they’ve given the world, and perhaps even more grateful that the creation did not lead to a disastrous accident. No, this went off without a hitch, so that all we were left with was genius. Terrifying, terrifying genius.