Happy post-Thanksgiving, everybody. We hope the tryptophan is out of your system, your most annoying relatives have left, and you have enough leftovers for several sandwiches. If you’re still trying to piece together what the hell happened this weekend, you can find some help here, and the rest can be found, in GIF form, after the jump.
We may as well begin with the Thanksgiving games, which were honestly some of the finest Thanksgiving games we can remember watching. It’s rare that you get both good football and good fantasy action on Turkey Day, but that is what we were treated to on Thursday. The highlight, of course, was what Robert Griffin III did to the Cowboys, and, by extension, all the fantasy owners who opposed him:
If you’re more into the team achievement thing, though, then you were probably more impressed by the Beatdown the Pats defense laid on the Jets. Not everybody owns em, but if you did, then you probably spent most of Thursday evening like so:
On Sunday, things (mostly) proceeded as you’d expect them to; not a lot of upsets, not a lot of surprise beastitude. Folks holding Steelers at the skill positions were probably a liiiiiiittle bit nervous to see Grampaw Charlie Batch get the start, but a couple of you thought that the old guy would be able to turn back the clock for just one more week. Of course, Charlie Batch did no such thing, and those who were foolish enough to hope for such a thing spent the afternoon doing this:
Again, this should not have come as a surprise. Charlie Batch has been getting AARP magazines delivered to his locker for years now. But as long as we’re talking about unpleasant, unsurprising things, let’s turn to Joe Flacco, who had yet another bullshit afternoon in Suck City on the road. Most of us have guys on our rosters who can’t really be relied upon week in and week out, but when your starting quarterback turns into hot garbage every time he leaves Charm City, it’s hard not to spend a few hours every Sunday going like this:
But! For those of you with Ravens on your roster, not all was lost. Remember when the Chargers allowed Ray Rice to complete that fourth-and-a-mile at the end of the game? Our faces involuntarily went like this:
Also, maybe not quite Full Jawdrop-Inducing, but seeing Slumping Eli Manning turn back into Cool Customer Eli Manning? Or the Packers Offensive Line deciding they didn’t have to block anybody? Big surprises for sure. Eli’s performance alone probably got quite a few of you over the hump:
There’s still plenty of time for things to go wrong, of course. Those of you still holding onto Cam Newton (or Desean Jackson, or Jeremy Maclin, or Steve Smith, or Brent Celek, or Jonathan Stewart, or Deangelo Williams…) probably aren’t super-invested in tonight’s game. At this point, any owners who’d hitched their wagons to those offenses is basically just waiting for the bottom to drop out, like it’s been doing week after week after week:
But will it? Tune in next week to find out!