Germany Celebrated World Cup Win By Whackin' It In Front Of Their Computers … A Lot

  • Rick Chandler

Soccer is not a game of statistics, which is why it will never truly catch on in the U.S. in my opinion. But perhaps these numbers from PornHub will help dispel that notion. This graph shows porn use activity on that web site before, during and after the big Cup final between Germany and Argentina.

As you can see, porn use was very low in Germany when the game started, at 15:00 hours (3 p.m.) EST. But by the end of the game and shortly thereafter … holy crap. German porn consumption jumped 60 percent. We’re assuming that most Germans were watching the final by themselves, because the thought of porn viewing parties is really gross.

But look at Argentina’s numbers — in the light blue. Nearly the same as Germany’s. So I guess a nation deals with sorrow nearly the same as it does with joy — with frenzied masturbation in front of the computer. That’s a different kind of high-five than I had pictured.

Also notice that U.S. porn numbers (darker blue) remained pretty steady throughout. That’s because we just don’t care about soccer

But here’s my favorite graph: look at the porn stats among these five U.S. states, below. Which state whacked it the most right after the game had ended? Take a bow, New Jersey. You lonely, horny bastards.

Note: SportsGrid not responsible for any chart or graph which looks like a penis.