Rowers’ outfits don’t leave a lot to the imagination. There’s a reason for this – allow this site to explain:
There’s a reason you see rowers wearing those unflattering tight rowing suits – loose clothing is a hazard! Loose shorts will get caught in the seat as it slides back and forth, and loose shirts can sometimes snag the oar handle as it comes close to your body.
So, because of that danger, when the United States’ men’s four team of Scott Gault, Charles Cole, Henrik Rummel and Glenn Ochal stood on the podium to accept their bronze medals, it was especially easy to observe certain parts of each of these gentlemen – but one in particular, Henrik Rummel… well, let’s just say he stood out more than his teammates. He’s the second from the left below… but you probably would have figured that out anyway:
Rummel was born in Copenhagen. Safe to say: this Battle of the Bulge went to the Danes. And inevitably, a lot of internet chatter about Rummel’s penis ensued, most of it along the lines of: “Wait…did that guy have a boner while getting his bronze medal?”
And the answer to that is: no. Choire Sicha said so for Deadspin earlier today, reminding us that “there is a whole lot of huge flaccid dick out there.” Noted! And if his opinion wasn’t enough for you, another voice soon weighed in on the side of “not a boner” – that of Henrik Rummel himself:
This is me and I swear it’s not erect! I don’t know why it ended up in that position but there you go.
Rummel then posted this to prove he was indeed the person who left that comment. And Redditors, not surprisingly, loved it. They loved it so much they made puns and jokes. A lot of puns and jokes, along with some simple congratulations. A few of our favorites:
You have no idea how much of a raging boner I would have at that moment. [ed. note: Since this person’s username is “PutMyDickOnYourHead,” I’d say we actually do have a pretty good idea] I wouldn’t even hide it. I’d have that shit sticking straight out so the whole world knows how fucking excited I am. Think about that for next time. Great job on the medal, bro!
You get the idea. Anyway, congratulations, Henrik, both on your medal and the fact that the entire internet is obsessed with your penis. Pretty full Olympic experience you’ve had yourself. And since you seem to be a pretty experienced Redditor, if you want to keep this discussion about your genitals going, well… [WARNING: the link coming up is a subreddit specifically designed for guys to post pictures of their junk, so it’s VERY VERY VERY NSFW] you know what to do.