Because there are only 99 good-looking celebrities in the world today, the readers of Maxim magazine were able to find space on their highly regarded list ranking the relative attractiveness of women for Lennay Kekua. You know, that smokin’ hot figment of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo’s and Manti Te’o’s collective imagination?
Though they don’t use Lennay’s actual name — because she doesn’t exist, you know? — Maxim mocks up a pretty realistic interpretation of what she must look like in a bikini:
Is there a reason she’s number 69? Are they saying that Diane O’Meara, the girl whose photos stood in for Kekua, is hotter than Jessica Chastain? Kat Dennings? Aubrey Plaza? Zooey Deschanel? Or is the idea of her hotter? And how do those aforementioned ladies feel about being beat by an empty bikini? At least Ronda Rousey placed higher, or else some asses would have gotten beat.
I wish I had been there when lady #101 got the call that she just missed the cut. “Yeah, hey, Jennifer Aniston? Sorry you got kept off the list this year. You got beat by a picture of a bikini. I wish you were still with Brad! Will there be a Friends reunion? Jennifer? Hello?”
Because they definitely call women up to tell them they didn’t make the list.