9:11 pm, July 10th, 2014
We’re survived almost a month of World Cup soccer, with just two more games left. So before we put the tournament in our rearview mirror and remember only the good moments, let’s take a look at the not-so-memorable moments we want to forget from Brazil. And yes, our list goes all the way up to 11.
1.Altidore's Cameo Appearance
Team USA did a great job progressing out of the Group of Death without Altidore, but Klinsmann shouldn’t have relied on a player made of glass. Having said that, Donovan's public bitterness has been just as embarrassing.
2.Ain't Ghana Play
If you demand a plane carrying $3 million in cash before you’ll play in the World Cup, you’re not a football team; you’re part of Hans Gruber’s terrorist gang. Don't come back.
3.Time The Avenger
The World Cup is like the Oscars: it goes on too long and Leonardo DiCaprio will never win (wait, what?). Anyway, losing/tying on the last play of a sport where the team in the lead can easily stall and play keepaway is unforgivable. Right, Ivory Coast and USA?
I don’t fault a team for using the rules to their advantage, but as much as I like the Dutch team (I picked them in my pool), I do not want to reward a team that does not score in the quarter- and semi-finals with a trip to the Finals.
5.Feeling No Spain
That also makes Spain's opening round 5-1 loss to the Dutch even more embarrassing. Five goals to a team that couldn’t score in a brothel? The Oranje would only score 7 more goals in Brazil.
6.Hey Look Over There!
Every footballer lives for the moment they can intercept a casual ball in the box and tap it in for a score. Apparently every GK lives to make that footballer look bad. The Netherland's Jasper Cillessen's deke faked out an Argentinian defender who thought he had a gimme goal. The Argentinian team got their revenge in the shootout.
7.You had one job!
I have sympathy for goalkeepers as they are destined to be remembered for the goals they let in, not the ones they prevented. But Russia's Igor Akinfeev's gaffe against South Korea was just plain bad.
8.Nothing Funny About This
I understand FIFA looking the other way as that's its motto (FIFA: We won’t judge), but the non-story of the Cup has been the construction deaths and the deaths from the collapsed walkway. Am I watching the same event?
9.He Knows How To Pick A Team
I know we’re picking on Coach Loew too much, and everyone does it, but come on, you know you’re being watched by billions. Either bring a hanky or control yourself for two hours. It's not right, man.
We all know FIFA is the personification of graft and conflicts of interest, but when it comes to player health, their behavior is unforgiveable. Get players like Uruguayan defender Álvaro Pereira off the pitch for the rest of the game before they succumb to a second more-damaging concussion.
11.Suarez Is Hungry For Some Italian
Score this one a victory for social media, which showed Suarez's chomp so many times that even FIFA couldn’t ignore it. But only children bite each other and lie about it. Get help.
12.Cooked At Home
I wanted to spare Brazil this one, but the loss to Germany is something we will never forget. Too bad Barbosa wasn’t alive to laugh at them.
Photo via Getty
David Young has been a columnist for ESPN and Sports Illustrated, and is now one for SportsGrid.com. Follow him on Twitter at @turkeysflying