What do I like most about baseball? It’s hard to pinpoint one thing: it’s the crack of the bat, the hot dogs, turning a crisp double play, the free funerals …
Um … ?
The Philadelphia Phillies’ top farm club on Tuesday offered a free funeral to an eastern Pennsylvania fan recently diagnosed with ALS.
The Lehigh Valley IronPigs announced the winner of its funeral giveaway during a home game at Coca-Cola Park.
Hey kids, want to go to the game? They’re giving away a funeral. (Kids run to their rooms, slam and lock their doors. Inside, one can hear muffled weeping).
Can’t understand their reluctance to go. Any promotion with the word “cremation” in the description is a must-see for me.
Steve Paul, 64, of Freemansburg got a standing ovation as he was wheeled onto the field and announced as the recipient of a funeral package valued at nearly $10,000.
Fans had to submit a 200-word essay describing their ideal funeral, and explain why they deserved a free one. More than 50 essays were submitted.
So if this is such a good thing, why do I feel like going back to bed and sobbing? For their next promotion, the IronPigs will arrange for a small, dark raincloud to follow one lucky fan around all day and keep him soaking wet, occasionally zapping him with small bolts of lightning.